Guest Poem by Carolyn McCurdie

Carolyn McCurdie is a writer from Dunedin, Aotearoa/New Zealand. She has won The New Zealand Poetry Society’s International Poetry Competition and the Lilian Ida Smith Award. Her first novel, The Unquiet was named as one of Storylines Trust's Notable New Zealand Children's and Young Adult Books of 2007. Her first collection of poetry was Bones in the Octagon, published in 2015 by Mākaro Press. She is working towards her second collection. This poem is from Acumen 112.

To Cleave

This morning a sheer, immaculate sky
was bisected horizon to horizon
by interlacing white and blue threads of a cloud formation,
delicate, curling filaments, intricate weavings
that bound east to west. And held their breath.

I stood at my back door, thinking feather, then quill.
I tried to find some image to hold the loveliness in my mind
and noticed, in this search for words, a clunk of loss.
I looked for thickness, a spine in the feather,
a sharpness of the quill that I could name as nib.
It was sort of a game, but to win was to miss.

As if I’d been shown a poem in unfamiliar, lyrical script
whose mystery might have dusted my skin, my lips, like pollen drift,
and invited some tongue of wordlessness to rise, to sip.
But quick, with a neat sticky label, I’d grabbed. To own.
To keep. A sort of self-caging. Offered a sky alive with
the possible wild, the infinite strange, I’d looked for a nib,
found only an ink-flick of grief.

A crick in my neck. Obtuseness sour in my gut.
I breathed in, breathed out.
When I looked up, the cloud had loosened,
tendrils unlooping, its coherence becoming unnameable open,
unnameable new.
And this. A cloud poem shifting, finding something less certain.
About stillness at my back door? Smallness? Perhaps about staying.